Are you and your loved one always fighting? You’re not alone. The average American couple reportedly fights 19 times per month.

But what do most couples fight about?

Keep reading as we break down why fighting is okay, the topics that most couples struggle with, and how you can learn to fight fair with your loved one.

Is Fighting Normal?

When we think of the ideal romance, there’s a good chance it doesn’t involve routine arguments. As a result, a lot of couples worry that because they fight, there’s something wrong with their relationship.

While fighting isn’t anyone’s idea of fun, it also isn’t that uncommon. The surprising truth is that every couple fights to some degree.

Some experts even believe that fighting in a relationship is beneficial, as it strengthens trust, allows free expression, and serves as catharsis.

Issues arise in several circumstances:

• One partner feels as though they aren’t heard
• There’s a lack of respect
• Fighting becomes constant
• Things turn physical
• Partners fly off the handle

As long as you and your loved one are capable of talking things out in a calm, rational manner, there’s a good chance that you can move past whatever’s bugging you.

Biggest Reasons Why Couples Fight

Every couple has unique obstacles to conquer. However, certain topics tend to come up more than others, regardless of a couple’s unique circumstances.

Here are some of the most common things that couples fight about.

Money

Money is the biggest source of stress among couples, with 44% of couples between the ages of 44 and 54 saying that money caused the most conflict with their loved one.

So what makes finances such a hot button issue?

For starters, money is stressful enough when dealing with one person’s finances. Throw on another person’s debts, add expenses like car payments, rent or mortgage, bills, and medical costs and it’s no wonder why it’s so stressful.

It’s recommended that couples remain open and honest about their spending habits, debts, and expenses.

Miscommunication

How many times have you felt as though your partner didn’t pick up on a hint you dropped? Or maybe they seemed hurt by the way you phrased something.

These are common examples of miscommunications. And while they happen all the time, they can be absolute buzzkills that eat away at even the strongest relationships.

Miscommunications pop up when we feel as though we’re expressing ourselves clearer than we are or if we’re not listening as closely as we should be.

The good news is, miscommunications are easy to fix for the most part. It’s all about understanding how your partner prefers to communicate. By adapting to one another’s communication styles, you’ll find it easier to get your point across in a gentle, productive way.

Sex

When you and your significant other first got together, you probably couldn’t keep your hands off of one another. Now, you might be lucky if you get intimate once a week. Mismatched libidos or stress from work and family life are enough to kill any spark you once had.

Intimacy issues can lead to anger, resentment, and mistrust. And since a person’s sex drive is influenced by a variety of factors, it can be tough to pinpoint the problem.

Though bedroom troubles are hard to get past, things aren’t as hopeless as they might seem. Make an effort to have sex or at least get cuddle and makeout at least once a week.

Household Responsibilities

Everyone in the household needs to pull their fair share. When one person starts to slack a little, things can start to get a little testy.

If you’re having these arguments over and over, sit down and come up with a schedule or routine. Talk about household expectations and come to a mutual agreement. That way everyone has clear responsibilities.

Politics and Current Events

There’s a reason why people say you should avoid talking about religion and politics.

By no means does a couple have to agree politically. Having a partner that shares different views is a great way to learn about another perspective.

Just make sure things stay respectful or else you’ll see firsthand why politics are the hottest of hot button issues.

Nit-Picking

Often, these arguments are about things that have little to no bearing on your life in the grand scheme of things. Does it matter who took out the trash last or how your partner folded the towels?

Make no mistake though, nit-picking over small details can lead to big troubles.

According to marriage counselors, nit picking occurs when one partner constantly looks for faults in their partner. These criticisms, however small, can be hurtful and lead to serious resentment,

Fighting Fair

Let’s face it, even if you and your significant other are a match made in heaven, some form of conflict will arise eventually. That’s just a given.

Since fighting with your loved one is inevitable, it’s time to change your mindset. Instead of focusing on how to avoid fighting, think about ways in which you can change the way you argue.

For starters, reframe the problem. As tough as it can be sometimes, treat it as an issue to tackle together. Placing blame never gets couples anywhere.

When things get heated (and they will get heated) know that it’s okay to take a timeout and step away from the issue. It’s true that cooler heads prevail.

Take a walk, read a book, or enjoy a nice cup of tea. By stepping away from the situation, you’ll have time to cool down and gain perspective so you can come together to solve the issue together.

Finally, recognize that being ‘right’ isn’t always worth it. Sometimes it’s best to choose your battles and know when to let things go.

According to relationship psychologist John Gottman, 69% of conflicts in a marriage go unsolved — and that’s perfectly fine! It all comes down to what he calls perpetual problems, or problems that arise due to a difference in opinion or personality.

Focus on What Matters

There you have it, some of the biggest reasons why couples fight. Do any of these sound familiar?

If so, that doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. As long as you and your partner communicate and treat one another with respect, you can overcome even the most heated of arguments.

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