While many of us are not drawn to a life of crime, true crime is a lurid topic that we can’t help be fascinated with.

However, not every story has a criminal mastermind for the leading role. In fact, more often than not it’s the stupid criminals that make it to the headlines.

We’ve compiled a list of the dumbest criminals that have ever made it inside a cop car and, trust us, some of them have to be read to be believed.

1. Hot Dog Robbery Goes Awry

Robbing a hot dog stand sounds silly enough, but paired with firearm wielding Terrion Pouncy and you’ve got a recipe for some idiotic mischief.

The 19-year-old man confronted the hot dog stand proprietors on Halloween 2017 on the south side of Chicago.

Pouncy demanded the money, brandishing a gun, and the hot dog stand’s owner quickly handed over the dough. Unfortunately for Pouncy, the simple robbery was about to be much more than he could handle.

As the 19-year-old grabbed the money, he holstered the gun in his waistband where the gun unexpectedly discharged and, yep, shot his manhood.

Surprisingly, Pouncy managed to escape and shortly called 911. He passed out before making it to the hospital and was found by Chicago police officer. Given the injury, it wasn’t difficult to put two and two together. Once at the hospital, the police arrested Pouncy on suspicion of armed robbery.

2. Terrorist Turns Himself In and Expects Reward

Terrorism is no joke, but when it came to Afghan Taliban commander Mohammad Ashan, it’s hard not to stifle a laugh.

Ashan was known to the United States government, who believed he was planning IED attacks against Afghan and US forces. To foil a fatal plan, officials handed out flyers in the Paktika province where Ashan and his followers commonly operated. The flyers offered $100 for information regarding Ashan’s capture.

While they had hoped for a tip, they hadn’t been expecting Ashan himself.

Ashan stepped into a checkpoint in Sar Howza and handed himself in, expecting $100. The officials were baffled, to say the least, and once his identity was confirmed Ashan was promptly arrested.

If you’re wondering, no, he did not get his reward.

3. Job Prospect Foiled By Robbery

The job market is certainly tough, but 26-year-old Umar Mirza ruined his chances of working at Paddy Power in Birmingham, England, by robbing the store.

In 2017, Mirza’s ridiculous robbery began with a comically scrawled note on a betting slip that read, “I got a gun open the door or I’ll shoot you!!!”

The cash registers were emptied, the safe upturned, and Mirza was handed more than 16,000 pounds.

Satisfied with his haul, Mirza pulled off his mask under the CCTV’s watchful eye. When the police were called and the tape was found, it wasn’t difficult to determine the identity, find his residence, and arrest him.

What made it easier to find him was that Paddy Power’s had his resume. Mirza had previously applied for a job at the Paddy Power he’d robbed.

He also had an addiction…to gambling. Perhaps not the best means of employment for an addict.

Regardless of his addiction, Mirza had nothing to worry about because he was promptly arrested and sentenced to six years in jail for his bungled burglary.

4. ‘Goldilocks’ Find a Robbery That’s Just Right

When Martin Holtby and Pat Dyson came home they immediately knew something was off. Their mail and newspapers had been moved from the doormat and the kitchen was surprisingly clean.

Even more shocking, after a quick once-around the house, they found 28-year-old Lukasz Chojnowski.

Mr. Holtby went on to say that they had not even been threatened by their unexpected guest. In fact, he’d actually cleaned up a little bit. Still, he was an uninvited intruder and the police were quickly called.

Chojnowski admitted to the crime and was given a two-year conditional discharge and ordered to pay a fine at Burnley Crown Court.

Afterward, Ms. Dyson said she felt “fairly sympathetic although he did break in… but it was neatly done”.

As far as stupid criminals go, at least Chojnowski had the decency to tidy up!

5. Macaroni Salad Leads Cops to the Suspects

Robbery is a dish that’s better served…cold, like macaroni salad. It was the macaroni salad that led the Mt. Morris police department to three burglary suspects.

The breadcrumb trail was a little wetter and cold than dry and crumbly. The three thieves broke in and stole money from the local Build-A-Burger Restaurant, as well as a hefty bowl of macaroni salad.

“Found along the trail were cash register parts, surveillance system parts, rubber gloves, loose change and a steady trail of macaroni salad,” said the local sheriff’s office. “It was later discovered that the suspects stole a large bowl of macaroni salad, which they took turns eating, along their escape route.”

Needless to say, officers quickly caught up and arrested Matthew P. Sapetko, 34, James P. Marullo, 35, and Timothy S. Walker Jr., 23, and they were charged with third-degree burglary, third-degree criminal mischief, and fourth-degree grand larceny.

6. Dumb Robbery Proves Successful

We’re here for stupid criminal stories, but what’s worse is that sometimes they make it.

An unnamed, still being sought after, art lover strolled into an art gallery in Birmingham, saw a piece he liked and walked out. Well…he would have gone with it if he could figure out how to get out with the large piece.

Thankfully, the staff recovered the piece but the not-exactly art thief is still out there, trying to steal art.

If we had to give the art gallery any advice, it’d be to click here and do some background checks before you let someone wander around alone.

7. $360 Billion Dollars? Sounds Legit

We’re all looking for a payday advance, but fraud is not the answer! Charles Ray Fuller wanted to get rich quick so he devised a plan that may not have put him on par with dumb robbers but still got him a front row seat with other dumb criminals.

With a $360 billion check in one hand, Fuller walked into a Chase bank with a surprisingly amount of confidence.

The 21-year-old was planning to use the cash to open his record company. Unfortunately, that dream never saw the light of day and he was visited by the police.

8. Trapped in the Closet

If you’re trapped, try the door?

Trespassers John Arwood and Amber Campbell spent two days trapped in a Daytona State College for 48 hours before finally calling the police.

When the police got to the Marine and Environmental Science Center, they discovered something strange. An open door.

While the police could not find the drugs they suspected took part in the makeshift prison sentence, the couple was charged with trespassing and Campbell was also charged for violating her probation.

9. Safety First!

As far as stupid criminal stories go, at least Chastity Eugina Hopson was trying to be safe.

29-year-old Hopson was worried that her meth was tainted so she did the most obvious thing: she contacted the police.

The inventive Granite Shoals Police Department in Texas had a unique idea. They created a fake Facebook post, hoping to target a few stupid criminals. The post read, “If you have recently purchased meth or heroin in Central Texas, please take it to the local police or sheriff department so it can be screened with a special device. DO NOT use it until it has been properly checked for possible Ebola contamination!”

It sounds ridiculous, right? Well, it worked. Hopson contacted the police department, concerned about her meth and was charged with possession.

Tired of Stupid Criminals? Watch Fictional, Professional Ones

Unfortunately, reality will always be plagued with stupid criminals and their poor victims. Step out of reality and opt for a fictional, more fun choice instead.

Check out these classes detective shows that are riddled with complex characters, villains you can’t help but love, and a few more happy endings.