Divorce is a challenging time for all parties involved, but what’s the process really like?

For starters, divorce is not like the movies. The iconic 80s film, War of the Roses, starring Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner, would have you believe that divorce is an all-out slugfest. However, the reality isn’t always so dramatic.

Divorces can undoubtedly get ugly, but they don’t all follow that pattern. There are also amicable divorces where former couples work together to achieve the best outcome for all.

Going through a divorce is not only an emotional process, but it’s also a financial process, as well. With so many working parts involved, it’s important to clarify what divorce is and isn’t.

Let’s take a closer look at the reality of divorce.

Why Couples Get Divorced

Married couples get divorced for a myriad of reasons. Those reasons can range from egregious issues to naturally growing apart.

According to the Institute of Family Studies, the most common reasons for divorce include substance abuse, drifting apart, compatibility problems, and infidelity. These aren’t the only reasons, however. Some couples divorce because of finances, criminal behavior, compulsive lying, and mental health problems.

Some couples find themselves divorcing after their adult children have left home. While divorce is more common today, many couples still stay together to maintain a family unit until the children are grown. This approach has been a debate in marriage and family studies for decades.

Every State is Different

Couples have every right to divorce for any reason they want. However, some states require the party filing for divorce to prove fault. Someone may choose this option if they wish to divorce quickly without mandated legal separation beforehand.

If a couple pursues a no-fault divorce, then neither party is required to prove fault. However, they may be required to separate for a designated amount of time before they can officially divorce.

Since states approach divorce differently, there are several myths about divorce.

One of the biggest myths is the inability to divorce in Tennessee if the other party doesn’t agree. In California, many pet owners falsely believe that they can’t receive court-ordered ownership of their pets after a divorce. The list of divorce myths is endless.

Child custody protocol varies from state-to-state, as well. Before filing for divorce, it’s critical to understand all laws regulating divorce.

Going Through a Divorce Costs Money

Money is one of the biggest concerns for divorcing couples.

How much do divorces cost? Do former couples go broke after divorce? These are valid concerns.

Every state requires divorcing couples to pay a filing fee. These fees range anywhere from $70 to more than $400, depending on the state. North Dakota has the cheapest filing fees in the nation at $70, while California charges couples a whopping $435 to file.

If there aren’t any shared assets, couples can pay the filing fee and be done with it. However, if assets are involved, like properties and stocks, couples will need to hire a professional to divide them. This is where the costs of divorce start to go up.

Children also increase the cost of divorce. One party may be responsible for child support, in addition to alimony payments.

Skyrocketing divorce costs is one reason why couples draft a prenuptial agreement before getting married. These agreements are legally binding documents. However, they can still be challenged in a court of law.

Remember, divorce protocol is different in each state.

In a state like California, prenuptial agreements can prevent one party from losing half of their assets. That’s because California is a community property state. Other community property states include Arizona, Wisconsin, Texas, Louisiana, New Mexico, Idaho, and Washington.

Living in a community property state can take a toll on finances if there isn’t a prenuptial agreement. Most states practice equitable distribution, which means asset distribution is determined by a court in a “fair” manner.

Do You Have to Hire a Divorce Lawyer?

One factor that adds to the rising cost of divorce is lawyers. However, a divorce lawyer is often necessary for high income-earning individuals and couples with shared assets. A lawyer may also be required for divorcing couples who aren’t on speaking terms.

One party may hire a divorce lawyer for a child custody battle. This happens if one party wants full or sole custody. However, most divorces result in joint custody.

Full custody is often necessary if the other party is deemed unfit for joint custody. Court-ordered visitation may or may not be awarded in these cases.

Talking to Children About Divorce

Breaking the news to children is one of the most challenging realities of going through a divorce. Children can react differently to the news. Some kids acclimate, while others are deeply affected by the trauma of divorce.

Separated couples should consult a child psychologist or marriage counselor before talking to their children about divorce. Splitting time between two parents is a huge change, and many children find it different to adjust.

Many families benefit from group therapy during divorces. This approach lets children express their feelings to both parents with an objective third party present. Individual child therapy is also helpful when navigating a divorce.

Divorce Alternatives

If a couple is experiencing marriage troubles, but are on the fence about divorce, they might try divorce alternatives.

Many couples go through a trial separation first before committing to divorce. Some states require it before filing divorce papers.

Some couples can work through their marriage problems during a trial separation. This is an ideal situation for couples who want to avoid divorce.

Next Steps

If you’re curious about divorce, take note of these realities and start researching the divorce process in your state. Don’t hesitate to seek help from therapists and legal professionals when you’re going through a divorce.

Do you need more resources on marriage and family? Check out the latest tips and advice for navigating your most difficult life hurdles.